Chicken Fried

I guess it’s just one of those things you say out loud to yourself in the middle of the night. Honestly, can you even blame me? It’s almost four o’ clock in the morning, you’ve got a test in a few hours, you’re grossly unprepared, and all you’ve got to eat is a cheese sandwich and a banana. Just when you think things can’t get worse, that particular strain of thought runs through your head. To be honest, it’s been at the back of your mind for a week. You’ve mentioned it in passing to a few friends as well. But now, more than ever, you feel the need to express it out loud to yourself, hoping it will be therapeutic. At this point, any impressionable reader would expect you to spout something profound and life-changing. In the movies at least, this is the point where the lead actor gets a brainwave. Instead however, yours goes something like this, “Fuck, I need to go to KFC”.

One tense change later, I’ll admit, it wasn’t my proudest moment of all time. Judge me all you wish, but also look at it from my point. I’d long considered going to the nearest KFC. Even the hour long to and fro journey in a smelly, overcrowded bus seemed worth it. After all, it’s KFC right?

Sometimes, everything just clicks. The Universe decides to make sure that you get everything that you desire. The stars and planets realign, your tests get cancelled, and in the end, you emerge victorious in you endeavor. Not surprisingly, this was not one of those times.This time, the universe decides that letting me fill my stomach with fried chicken would be too much fun. So, any remaining impressionable readers might ask , how did the universe manage this?

IF I were a conspiracy theorist (I won’t say yes because THEY might be reading this) , I would have to say that whoever planned this is one brilliant bastard. Let’s call said brilliant bastard *drum roll*, the MAN.

So how does the Man screw with me? It would be too simple for Him to just close down all the KFC’s. He loves screwing with people of course, but that would be too simple and even He doesn’t like playing spoilsport. No, his grand plan was set into motion over 50 years ago, when he decided to make the locals of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana start feuding. The quintessential useless struggle for dominance it was. The wheels had been set in motion, but their movement was imperceptible. In retrospect, it was a fool proof move. The struggle was kept under wraps, biding ‘it’s ‘time until some bored college student decides that he needs that chicken burger. Needless to say, that time had come.

So what’s the new situation? The buses stop running, the autos go on strike, and the price of petrol shoots up. Why is this so important? Probably because I was 15 kilometers away from the nearest KFC, and barring my two own feet, could find no viable means of transport. Sure, there were cabs, but the Man had accounted for that as well. With the distance and the rise in petrol prices, even the chicken wasn’t worth the effort. Sure, I could fine four or five other hungry bastards, pile them into a cab and make them pay. But like I said, effort. Said effort is better spent eating chicken and running away from the bill.

So what does this all boil down to?

Number 1- A cheese sandwich, a banana and a pot of coffee do not count as good pre-exam food. My stomach has already borne that sad fate.

Number 2, and this is the biggie – I NEED TO GO TO KFC!

Disclaimer-

If you’ve reached this far and happen to be an impressionable reader, feel free to leave a comment if you did not like the article. The author shall probably never get back to you. On the other hand, if you do not like KFC, let the author know ASAP. He will hunt you down and cut you into pieces. If he is really, really hungry, he will eat you, and in his best imitation of Timon exclaim, “ Tastes like chicken”