There are moments in your life when you read the most ridiculous of Facebook statuses, and you decide to play it safe; when you graciously comment “ Nice J “ ,even when every fibre of your body is willing you to type, “ Dude, WTF is wrong with you?” . A moment when you decide to take the morally high ground, and refuse to spend your time berating such hapless fools.
Obviously, this is not going to be one of those moments.
Yes, this is a hate rant. No, this is not an attack on those ‘patriotic citizens’ who decide to share links stating that our national anthem was voted the best in the world. This isn’t even for the ones who post “best brother week” statuses every month or so. No, this one is for the ones who actually believe they precious statuses are witty and life changing( not unlike my views of this blog). Believe me, these ARE real statuses.
1- 1- “lazy”
You managed to drag your ass all the way to your laptop, open up Facebook, and then have the gall to type ‘lazy’ ???
2- 2- “sad…”
It wasn’t “I’m so sad because” or “It’s so sad that” ( not that it would have much much of a difference, but if you are going to come up with lame statuses, at least try to be grammatically correct!) . But no, you had to go with sad *dot* *dot* *dot* ( did I mention this guy’s GMAT score was over 700?)
3- 3-“after 3 dayz of searching.... finally got my acco.... nd its \m/ J”
As a metal head, I take offense to that. Your acco was \m/ ?? Seriously? The Devil’s Horns? I wonder if you’ll be smiling when they get stuck up your ass. ( for further information of why not to use \m/ , check out Instain Noodles…the link’s around here somewhere) . Don’t even get me started on the ‘dayz’ bit of it.
4- 4- “Is disappointed after hp7! so many good scenes cut out! now u pls dont disappoint me breaking dawn :( “
A Twihard. Need I say more?
5- 5- “ive successfully tanned my elbows”
Trust me, there are more difficult places to get a tan. Figure them out and then boast.
6- 6- “I want the older version of chat box back!!!”
Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure Mark Zuckerburg will be right on it. After all, if YOU say that the old chat box is to brought back, who is he to deny you?
7- 7- “katy perry is coming to seattle....and performing live at Key arena....this is the biggest thing in my life after the Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader fight”
I know it might be hard to digest, but a guy posted this. A 20 year old guy, born 8 years AFTER the Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader fight. And seriously? You picked that over Anakin vs Obi Wan / Obi Wan vs Darth Maul?
8- 8- “How does one get a kitten?”
(I go against my better judgement by posting this, but What the hell :P )
Idiot.
Step 1- Get a job. Or an internship that gives stipend
Step 2- Get at least 25k a month from said internship
Step 3- Use said money to pay for said kitten
9- 9- “I love my new haircut”
And I love my new Swiss Army knife. Care to come out and play?
10- 10-“WTF was i thinking?”
Let’s look at this closely. The fact that you managed to put this up as a status, goes against the belief that you were, in fact, thinking. ( I apologize, I couldn’t come up with anything stupider than that L )
11- 11-“ZMND. Finally made me realise that Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara. J”
You figured that out NOW? Honestly, if your parents had learnt that the easiest way to teach kids morals was to show them movies involving hunks with six-packs and curvy babes, growing up would have been so frikking awesome!! ( all because of the latter mind you).
12- 12- “Muffins”
Respect. Mixed with hatred. Since I was forced to read this while eating corn flakes. L
Am I irrational. Perhaps. Am I full of disgust at the sight of these statuses. Definitely. Will I take the post down if you beg me to? Too right I won’t.
P.S- This should serve as a Disclaimer of sorts. The statuses mentioned above, while seemingly real, are fake. True Story.The author is not responsible for any hurt sentiments or the like. If you truly believe that one of these statuses IS actually yours, then good news. Looks like there’s two of you in this world. Hurray! If you don’t like the way your statuses have been used, PLEASE go onto Facebook and share the link of the blog, defaming it as you will. You might be doing something valuable with your time finally. Also, the author would not mind it. As long as he gets the blog hits. If on the other hand, you DO actually like it, please go and share it all the same. For reasons mentioned above.
P.P.S – Pretty Please?
P.P.P.S – This is being written by the person sitting beside the author while the article was being written. The Author read the line above and realized it sounded rather gay. In shock and horror, he killed himself. Those reading this, feel free to go “ There There”
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