Dear Baba Ramdev,
As I write the above salutation, the irony of the situation makes me laugh. First off, I cannot claim to be one of the millions to whom you are dear. Neither do I feel the need to call you ‘Baba’, since it is now an insult to more enlightened and austere men than yourself. Having said that however, I realize that I neither know nor care enough to find out your birth name. So for now, we will stick to Baba Ramdev.
Believe me, up to until a month ago, you were nothing more to me than an orange clad, ridiculously bearded, slightly paunchy man who claimed to have the answers to every illness known to man, ranging from cancer to homosexuality( It IS an illness that requires treatment apparently….your words, not mine).
Since it happens to be the holiday season, I can actually get up and read the newspaper in peace without having to run for a tutorial test bright and early in the morning (the brilliance of our education system never fails to astound me!)
I must admit, the newspaper has become quite entertaining. Not only do I get to read Garfield jokes and look at sleazy pictures of wannabe film stars, I also get to look at you embarrass yourself and your devotees in public by dressing up in a salwar kameez ( or was it a sari? Oh well, I doubt it matters). It took me a whole minute to catch my breath! So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for the entertainment.
As I used all my willpower to drag my eyes away from such a ‘insert appropriate adjective here’ photo, an article summarizing your demands and agenda caught my eye. With nothing better to do, I decided to give it a cursory glance.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t disagree with everything you had to say. I agree, black money and corruption definitely plague our society and they must be eradicated. For those hardly original yet appropriate points, I was about to raise my proverbial hat to you. (Note: about to)
It was then however, that I decided to actually pay attention to what you had to say. Among the few problems I had with your agenda are:
1- 100% boycott of foreign companies, adoption of ‘swadeshi’
So let me get this straight. The private jet you travel by was designed and made by an INDIAN company? Because the last time I checked (which was 30 seconds before writing this line), there isn’t an Indian company that manufactures private jets! And while we’re on the topic of anything foreign, I guess it’s sinful to buy a Hershey’s chocolate bar, yet it’s totally fine to accept a frikking ISLAND as a gift?
2- 100% voting
A quick visit to your Wikipedia page (yes, apparently you’re worth a couple of hundred kilobytes) reveals that you stopped your formal education after completing the 8th standard. If only you had continued for a year longer and paid attention in a civics class (which oddly enough I did), you would have realized that voting is a constitutional right. Just in case you didn’t know, it means the government can deny certain groups the right to vote. These generally include criminals and the mentally handicapped. You, on the other hand, want everybody to vote. Predictably, I’m confused. You seek the death penalty for any corrupt person who has black money stashed away, but you want serial killers and rapists to vote?
3- 100% Nationalist country
Do you even know what nationalism means? Well, I do (Wikipedia saves the day yet again) . It’s about being unified, irrespective of religion, remaining true to your country and acting with the benefit of the country in mind. You claim that nationalism is a goal of yours. Yet you have no qualms associating yourself with Sadhvi Ritambhara , a woman allegedly linked to the Babri Masjid demolition? What were you thinking?
That lovely Wikipedia page of yours actually enlightened me more than the newspaper ever could( Don’t worry TOI, I will remain true to you, if only for the horoscope section and the Garfield jokes), You’ve claimed in the past that you have’ no financial power’ , A recent probe shows that you actually aren’t rich( fiscally, intellectually….take your pick) . Your aides however, are apparently worth over 220 million dollars (Yes, I do ape the West occasionally by denoting the money in dollars instead of rupees. Blame me if you will). I did also take a look at your site, where you market your medicines. Fourteen DOLLARS for a tiny pill bottle for pretty much any illness there is! You may claim to know how to cure cancer; but if you really care so much about the poor in India, you’d consider lowering their prices! Did it not strike you that the poor Indians themselves can suffer from cancer?
You also made ripples in the media world when you claimed,” Sex education should be replaced by yoga education” Apparently it can help with the prevention and cure of AIDS. Last I checked, (Gen Bio, 1st sem) , the chief cause for AIDS is unprotected sex. So, yoga is supposed to help me prevent AIDS without sex ed? You DO realize that the condom industry is going to go bust if you keep saying that right?
Of course, your issues with our degrading society don’t end just there! You also once proclaimed “Homosexuals are sick people, they should be sent to hospitals for treatment. This kind of thing is shameful and insulting to all of us”. Now, I’m not a gay rights supporter by any stretch of imagination, but to call gays ‘sick people’? Now that, my scruffy little friend, is just RUDE. Seriously, can you even blame the poor chaps. Once in a while, a man wearing a salwar might just be rather attractive and enticing.( I’m guessing here of course) . But then again, YOU wouldn’t happen to know anything about cross dressing now, would you?
I remember saying to myself the day before you ‘embarked’ on your fast unto death’. “ this guy should just stick to what he’s good at- yoga” . A week later, I wasn’t so sure. One week? You’ve been practicing yoga for two decades and all you managed was a one week fast? Your aide claimed that it was because the police disturbed you during your fast. Need I remind you that a real nationalist and freedom fighter survived a 63 day fast in jail . He was forced by the guards to end his fast. You might just have heard about him….his name was Bhagat Singh . And you act like a wounded hero because you lasted a whole week . Dude…even the least healthy politician these days can last that long!
Now I can’t claim to know as much as you do about power plays and anti-corruption fasts et al. After all, I’m just a 20 year old with a rather narrow view of things around me. But one day, some one else is going to stand up and ask you the following question to your face, and you will have to answer….
Dude…..seriously?
Sincerely,
Pretty much every rational Indian citizen
P.S Find a barber and get a shave…. The flowing-all-over-the-place, slightly-matted-and-singed bearded look went out of fashion ( Indian or otherwise….) decades ago.
P.P.S – Since this IS an open letter and I’ve absolutely no clue( or interest, for that matter) how to send this to you, I’m hoping there is someone else reading this. Just to set the record straight. I’ve got the utmost respect for men like Anna Hazare ,Arvind Kejriwal and thousands of unnamed others who are actually trying to bring about a healthy change in this country. His Highnessness Baba Ramdev might have some good intentions, but in my opinion, he should let the grown ups deal with it.
Disclaimer-
This article may inadvertently link to content that is obscene, hate-filled, poisonous, pornographic, frivolous, disgusting, hostile, antagonistic, irritating, obnoxious, harsh, embittered. The author in no way condones, endorses or takes responsibility for such content. This disclaimer for that matter, had been essentially ripped from Khamba's blog. The author hopes that Khamba will, in time , forgive him for what he perceives as a tribute to one of the most amazing blogs he has ever read.
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