I paused at the entrance. The time had come to execute the plan that had formed in my head over the last week. Once I passed the ornate doors, there would be no turning back. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed my hesitation. The only person in sight was the doorman to the building, a 65 year old man who had been there for the last 25 years, and had known me for the last ten. All was well. The doorman wouldn’t suspect me of anything. Gathering my wits, I slowly made his way to the doors. The doorman greeted me with a salute and a smile, just as he had done countless times before. What the doorman didn’t know was that this would probably be the last time he would ever salute the rich man who lived in the building and tipped him every other day.
Entering the elevator, I pressed the button that would take me up to the top floor of the building. As the elevator slowly made its way up the 34 floors, I began contemplating. Sure , I’d had it quite good. Dressed in a designer suit, wearing a Tissot, I really didn’t have any material problems to complain about. An apartment a high rise building, a collection of vintage cars, you name it, I’ve got it. Even a breathtakingly beautiful wife- the source of my present problem. You’d think that if you love a woman enough and shower her with every material possession imaginable, she’d have the sense to remain faithful. Apparently not.
And who did she happen to cheat on me with? None other than my best friend. A man, who had been as close as a brother to me. A man, who had been there for me through every moment of my professional life. A man who, for all his friendship and camaraderie, turned out to be a backstabbing cheat. It had been less than a week since I found out. One long harrowing week when everything seemed to be going out of control. Business meetings seemed so inconsequential when I knew that my friend and my wife were together in my own bed.
I was brought out of my reverie as the elevator stopped. As the door opened, I felt my pocket, felt the reassuring touch of the pistol concealed there. I knew what I was here to do…I was here to take control of my life. In one fell swoop, I would eradicate my problem. I knew that they were in my house right now. I was going to make them pay.
I made my way down the narrow passage to my house. With every alternating step, my resolve either strengthened or weekend. No! this was no time to be weak. This was time for redemption. I could almost hear my heart beating as I extended my hand towards the doorknob.
‘ Are you really sure you want to do this?’ . A smooth, almost beautiful voice reached my ears.
My heart almost leapt into my mouth. There hadn’t been anyone in the corridor. How could I have failed to notice someone?
I slowly turned around to see who had called out.
All I could tell was that the man was tall and thin. Half shrouded in darkness, I couldn’t see his face. Even his silhouette was slightly blurred. It was as if he just wasn’t well defined. Was I hallucinating? I hadn’t slept for ages, but still. It felt so very real to me
“ And who might you be”, I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. “ Does it really matter? What really matters right now is that you’re going to make a decision right now that could change your life irrevocably, and not for the better I’m sure”
“ And how would you know? How do you know what I’m planning to do? What do you even know of what I’m going through?” .
“ I think you know the answer to that yourself”
I slowly made my way towards ‘him’. It was odd. It felt like I almost knew him already, and yet, for some reason, I just couldn’t put my finger to it.
“ Oh just go ahead and do what you came to do already!” Came a voice from behind me.
Things were definitely getting stranger by the minute. Another turn confirmed my suspicions.
Surprise surprise…there stood yet another person in the place I had just occupied. Unlike the first one though, this one’s features were , for lack of a better word, sharp.
He stood right there, rolling a cigar between his long slim fingers. As he took long a long drag from the lit cigar, his face lit up. He looked rather ordinary, so to speak. Like a man who could definitely blend into a crowd unnoticed. And as I stared into his cold brown eyes, I realized that I was looking at the devil himself. One would presume that the devil would be an imposing figure with horns et al. Apparently not. The ‘man’ in front of me looked at ease with his surroundings. But I now knew exactly what he was. The eyes did not lie. Which meant that the other figure was….No , that was impossible. Wasn’t it? I wasn’t exactly religious, but still…It couldn’t be a coincidence.
After taking a few deep breaths to clear my head. I decided to analyze the situation. Ok, so I I’m standing outside my own apartment about to go in and kill my wife and my so called best friend. And, for somehow, I’m being accosted by both the Devil and…….. Sure ….THAT makes a lot of sense!
The one smoking the cigar called out to me in a rough, almost angry voice that chilled me to the bone..” Go ahead. What’s stopping you? All your going to do is go in and kill that whore and that treacherous bastard. It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong. An eye for an eye right? They screwed your life, now you screw theirs. True, they wont be able to make a comeback! But who cares anyway? They’ve taken everything away from you already. Your sanity, your pride….now it’s time for you to take it back. Go in there….let the hate flow…Burn all those bridges.. If life doesn’t give you justice, go ahead and snatch it. It’s yours for the taking…all you have to do is reach out and take it…And then…only then can you be truly happy…”
The figure masked in the shadows spoke again……” And destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for? Your life itself? All you’ll achieve if you go ahead with this is a lifetime of unhappiness, in some jail, rotting like some pathetic organism and wondering where it all went wrong...Do you really think you can survive that? Do you really want to test your sanity to such a extent? The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. And you know that your no killer…You know what the consequences to your action will be, and you know that even after you go ahead with this…you won’t be truly happy….You want true happiness? Be the bigger man here. Let go of all the hate…Unless you do that, it will eat away at you for the rest of your life….are you really willing to test the faith you have in your inner strength to that level?”
“ And how the hell would you know what I’m going through?” I whispered, barely controlling my rage.” What is this….some sort of test? If your really as omnipotent as you’re said to be…you’d have never let this happen. You’d have let me go on with my life. You’d have let me come home to a woman who loves me as much as I do her….But did you? No! You let me down…Spout all the ‘hate is bad’ nonsense all you like….it won’t matter…I want blood….both of theirs…I want revenge. I want justice…and the time for justice will be right now…You tell me I shouldn’t hate? Well let me tell you this…hate is what everything that I stand for is built upon…its hatred for a poor existence that made me work so hard to get to where I am…and its hate that will get me my life back!”
“ Spoken like a true man!” , said the Devil. It was too obvious to hide the fact from myself...The devil himself stood in front of me..” If you want to build something new you have to destroy the old first. And now it’s time for you to destroy the pathetic vermin that lies in you bed behind that door> It’s time for you to rise up to the occasion and take what’s rightfully yours.”
Said the almost pleading voice behind me,” And what rightfully belongs to you? Is your pride so important that you would kill for it? You ask how I know what you happen to be going through? Well, let me tell you this…Both me and the one in front of you are part of you…We exist in you. We’re not omnipotent mythical beings who reside in some otherworldly abode…We are, and always will be, inside of you..!
Strange….just a few minutes ago, I was almost sure that I was ready to go in there and kill them…But now…I could feel something inside of me that just prevented me from going in there and finishing the job I had come to do…And in one fell swoop, I realized what it was…fear.
I was scared…every fiber in my body was throbbing with it…I just had no idea what to do now, and it freaked me out. If I went in there, I would come out a murderer. If I turned and walked away, I would be…in my mind at least…the gutless coward who just couldn’t take what was his..It was so frustrating…I needed to come up with a solution, …and fast.
My hand grazed my pocket, and felt the cold steel below the smooth linen of my suit. The gun…And then it struck me…The easiest way out. The solution to all my problems..The way to silence that noise in my head that just left me confused at the end.
I took the gun out of the pocked, cocked the barrel and pointed it at my temple. This would be answer to everything. Eternal bliss..I looked at the blurred figure in the darkness, and for the first time, I could see his eyes. They were pleading me to stop. And yet, I knew not for sure what I had to do..
I pulled the trigger.
Epilogue
The hallway was dark. The sound of the bullet echoed everywhere. The man crumpled to the floor, as the gun left his hand and fell a foot away from him, still smoking.
The Devil observed the incident with a cruel, satisfied smile on his face. “ the idiot! Eternal bliss eh? The poor chap has no idea what’s in store for him when he comes to my place.”
The other figure looked up as well…a look of eternal sadness on his face…
The devil called out” You overrate humans, my old master. You haven’t yet realized that deep down, they’re fools looking for an easy way out of their pathetic miserable existences. They are neither beautiful nor unique. They’re just vermin. Sadly for you, their hate makes me stronger. Why do you think that you’re the one who’s edges are blurred and can’t be seen clearly. They have lost their faith in you. Keep feeding me denial and hate, from that I will create. Your time is over father..my time is arriving. With each person who doubts himself, I become stronger. And one day, I shall overthrow you forever! I have won father! I have won!”
The door behind him opened, as the wife of the dead man rushed out, wearing a silk bathrobe, wondering what the noise was. It was time to leave
And as they departed for their respective abodes, the other called out…” Just this round my friend…just this round”
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