An Indian housewife has recently caused ripples in the media world by filing a lawsuit against the Scream Queen of tennis-Maria Sharapova, claiming that the latter’s screams were the reason she recently went deaf.
The Russian tennis player and model is known not only for her fashion sense and her playing style, but also for her loud and occasionally shrill screams. Screams, which have been recorded to be louder than the noise made by a jet! (True story…no, really!).
In her lawsuit, Prerna Das claims that the Russian beauty’s scream was so loud, that it actually ruptured her ear drums, leading to permanent deafness. Intrigued, NTMN sent one of its reporters to get some finer details of the issue.
Says the NTMN reporter- “ When we reached the house of the Mrs. Das , there was chaos all around. Family members had gathered to support her in her cause. Being a quintessential TV-serial loving housewife, she had much support from her neighbors and friends. On hearing( metaphorically that is) that reporters had come to interview her, Mrs. Das seemed thrilled. So thrilled in fact, that the loudness of her voice almost made US go deaf!”
After donning a pair of earmuffs, this is what the reporter gleaned-
Says(note: screamed ) Mrs. Das - Oh, I just love watching reruns of old TV serials on Star Plus. It was just after dinner and one of my neighbor friends told me that they were screening an episode of Kyun Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. There was no way I was going to miss that! It had been so many years since I had seen Smriti Irani don the role of Tulsi!! I was not going to miss it.
Interjects her husband Mihir (yes, the reporter thankfully took off the earmuffs)- You should have seen her that night. She was actually giddy with joy. I haven’t seen her that happy since Tulsi returned from the dead in the serial. Even our 25th wedding anniversary party didn’t excite her this much.
Silencing her husband, Mrs. Das continued – “Of course, my lovely cable man made up a whole mess of the channels. Imagine my surprise when instead of seeing Tulsi’s great great grandson hatching a plan to kill her, I see this tall foreigner in skimpy clothes running around playing some version of cricket. ‘He Ram’, I could have had a heart attack! I wanted to see chaste Indian women in saris, and I’m forced to see this foreigner wearing a short skirt!!! What has society come to?
Then, just as I was about to change the channel, she started screaming!! ‘He Bhagwan’, it was so loud. I felt like all the glass ware in the house was about to shatter. The next thing I know, my ear started spurting blood!! It hurt so much. My husband and son took me to the hospital after 15 minutes.
The doctors there informed us that there was no way of restoring my hearing capabilities!!” Saying this, she burst into tears. It took her son close to half an hour to calm her down.
In the meantime, over tea and biscuits, her husband informed us that it was his idea to file a suit against Sharapova. On one hand, his wife deserved some compensation for the hurt she has undergone. He said,” How can she enjoy her favorite TV serials now? What will she do all day?? Also, think about me!! She used to scream at me everyday when I got back from work. Now it will only get worse!!!”
On asking his son Rajiv why it had taken up to 15 minutes before they took his mother to the hospital, he replied bluntly “ A model is running around in a short skirt! What do you expect me to do? Switch off the TV?”
As of yet, there has been no reply from Sharapova’s team. Rumors have it that since she is too busy practicing for the Wimbledon Championships, which she has not won in 7 years now. Whatever be the reason, her opponents would be glad if she were forced to stop screaming on court.
Disclaimer: The above article is completely false. While there is a 23% probability of it happening, Sharapova has never been the cause for any person going deaf. Over 42,000 Indian housewives do suffer hearing problems every year due to loud, and practically meaningless TV serials. Also, 83% of all statistics are made up on the spot. True story.
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